His Life
by HelikaAkileh
Summary: An introspection on what Inuyasha meant regarding Kagome while inside of the Shikon no Tama.


_Note: this story will not make sense unless you have completed reading the manga. It refers to actual events, especially the last bit where Kagome is stuck inside of the Shikon Jewel. _

_Originally posted at Eternally Destined._

At one point, and for a long time afterwards, I thought that I was a mistake. If I was born for a reason it was this: to be hated. I belonged no where; I was wanted no where. That was that. And I thought to myself one day how sick I was of running away and doing nothing. There had to be something in this life to make it worth living, and I would literally claw my way to get there. What was the meaning of life? Power. Revenge.

So I got this idea into my head to become a full demon, stop feeling all the things that got in the way of real strength, defeat all my enemies, and make sure no one could hurt me again. Funny enough, this woman named Kikyou came into my life while I was trying to execute this ingenious plan. She planted this new idea into my head: the meaning of life was to be normal, just like everyone else.

I had thought that maybe that was my purpose. Become a human, purify the Shikon no Tama, and free Kikyou from her life as a miko, an exchange of sorts, like give and take. That's why I thought we belonged to each other. That was what I believed I was meant to do.

That all burst into flames when she shot an arrow at me and pinned me to a damn tree for fifty years.

Next thing I know there's a new girl in my life, a high strung, whiny, pushy young girl by the name of Ka-go-me who looked just like the _other_ woman, so I took that as a bad omen. That whole Kikyou episode built up my walls stronger than ever, so don't go thinking that Kikyou cracked the ice and made things easier for Kagome. Hell no.

Sure, after I learned that Kikyou and I were tricked by Naraku I no longer resented Kikyou. After she was back I thought that because of all that had happened, I didn't have a life anymore. My life was Kikyou's and hers was mine. It was equal exchange dammit. Her life had ended because of me, I had to give her my life in return.

I still wanted to be a full youkai though. I didn't want to be a weak half demon that falls for tricks like Naraku's so easily.

But if Kikyou wanted me to go to hell with her, fine. New purpose: avenge Kikyou's death, then follow her wherever she wanted me to go. I was meant to die. That was my destiny. My life was no longer mine. I was still essentially worthless.

Stupid school girl wouldn't have it though. She filled that void in me with her ridiculously amazing ramen, her attention, her time, her affection, her _acceptance_.

After a while, get this, she says she likes me as a _hanyou_. What the hell? As much as I tried to push the thoughts away, I couldn't help it. It made me happy, it made me feel good and like I wasn't shit.

After Kagome came, everything else in my life changed and all the seemingly mismatched pieces began falling into place. Suddenly the world wasn't just me against everyone else. She was there. Then came the kitsune, the bouzo, the slayer and her cat, a bunch of random people who know me from our travels. All this happened because of some girl in weird clothes who fell down a well.

It wasn't just that there were other people in my life now, there were new _feelings_, new _purposes_. Protect the ones you care about, fight for good, help those in need, trust, care, laugh, cry... All new things to me, things that I know I would have _never_ gotten without her.

I needed her so badly. She's the one who released me from the tree, so in a literal way, I needed her. She saw the jewel shards so I needed her for that, too. That was one hell of an excuse to keep her with me. Ha.

I know it sounds selfish, but the thing that stands out most to me is this: Without Kagome, I'd still be alone. Without her, I had nothing, I was nothing and that's why I needed her.

So of course, when some stupid youkai in the Meidou say that Kagome was born for the Shikon no Tama's purposes, I strongly begged to differ. It was in that instant I realized how much Kagome gave me. She gave me food, she gave me friends, she gave me a family, she gave me strength, and hope, and purpose, and all her undying love.

For the first time, someone _cried_ for me. I was worth something to someone. Someone didn't want me to hurt. Not because I'm your son, not even because I was nice to you, but just because I _mattered._

For the first time someone _defended _me. I was good. It wasn't my fault and she cared enough to make that known. She's the one who told the monk and slayer that I wasn't evil. I was good to Kagome, headstrong and a jerk, but _good_.

For the first time someone _trusted _me! Me! Kikyou didn't trust me! She thought I tried to kill her which I _never_ did! I did try to hurt you Kagome! First time we met I attacked you for the Shikon Jewel and would've left you there to die. I hurt you with these damn claws a number of times. I hate myself! I'm disgusting and horrible.

But you love me.

What the hell, Kagome? What's wrong with you? Being so trusting like that's going to get you killed! Not like I'd ever let that happen, but fucking hell. Do you know how scared shitless I am to lose you?

For the first time... Kagome, there was someone who was willing to feed me, to fight _with_ me, fight _for_ me, sacrifice everything for me, stay with me, love me. All these new things, it's like I was living for the first time.

Kagome gave me _life_, a new one that didn't belong to Kikyou, one that was whole. Moreover, it was mine to give to her even if I hadn't realized it at first.

Kagome was meant to meet me, born for me. It wasn't about giving and taking at all. She'd give and give and give and _love_ me without asking for anything back. I didn't have to give her my life... but gods I wanted to, and what's more, I'd move heaven and earth if she needed me to.

I think... I suddenly knew how much I loved her. I had known before, in some unsure way, that I liked her being there and would protect her so long as there was breath in my body, but at that moment in the Meidou, against everything trying to rip us apart, I knew there were no lengths I would not go to for her.

Just as I had before, I would rescue her, protect her, be with her. That was my purpose, and I didn't just think it, I _knew_ it. I was born for Kagome's sake- I must have been.

First I was dead, and then she came and gave me a life that no one else would have or _could_ have given me. It was a life full of wonderful things, one that wasn't lonely, one that was full of laughter and happiness, comfort and love. I was not going to let anything take that, take _her_ away from me. Her being gone would be like dying. She is my life.

I promised to protect her; she promised to stay. We dedicated our lives to one another.

We were made for each other, and nothing in my life had ever been so clear. That thought, that _feeling,_ was so pure and simple, but so overwhelmingly _strong_ that I could do anything. As long as she loves me, and because I fucking love that girl, I can do anything.

That's how I saved Kagome, because she believed I would, because I had to, because she is my purpose for breathing. That's how and why I waited three years for her to come back to me after the well closed. That's why I was willing to wait five hundred years for her if it hadn't opened again. That's why I was made, as shitty as life was before, I made it through all that for the sole purpose of meeting her.

She is my reason for everything.

"Inuyasha..." comes her gentle call.

Speak of the devil, here she comes.

"Wench," (it's a term of endearment, sort of,) I reply, "What do you want?"

She's frowning at me, arms bent and fists at her hips in a slightly angered stance. It's just like we've met all over again. "Dinner's ready." She starts walking off back to our place. Our place... ha. Sometimes I think about it and holy shit, it's amazing. We have things that are _ours_. It's _our_ hut, _our_ friends, _our_ memories, _our_ love, _our_ life together. It's an entirely new chapter in my life and it's the best fucking thing.

I thought, I _really_ thought that it wasn't possible for her to give me anything else, but once her hand clasped mine and I pulled her out of the well, it was like being reborn all over again. Everyday, waking up like that, with her, I feel alive. She is my life.

Oh right, she's kind of mad at me. I should learn to say mushy stuff like that out loud, but...

"Oi!" I call out, aware that she was walking a bit quickly ahead of me. I grab her hand and look at her. I'm aware that my ear twitches in that way she thinks is cute. Then she squeezes my hand back and looks at me with that smile that means she's not really mad, and she's happy, and she loves me.

My heart swells along with this rush of blood in my face. My world is standing in front of me and I'm unable to form sentences straight.

My eyes open and fingers tighten around a slender palm. Nothing else in the world matters and she invades my everything, it's as if we were back in the Meidou. The world around me is black and there is nothing but her. She, in this moment, is the only thing and just like then, our lips meet and I am alive, because she is.


End file.
